Life Archive

I was a bit confused at the start but later on things started to be revealed and clear. It was last month when I was working on arrangements with models for an outdoor photo session. I didn't imagine that about 90% of them aren't so serious, they don't know what they actually want? They seem like they are lost or something!

Most people are lost and confused. I admit life is confusing at times. It can disturb us and make our decision deformed. In fact it's not the big life that we share with others, it's the life inside us. The life we had it built and constructed during childhood and adulthood. Everything is arranged in rows. Some rows are arranged properly and others need to be rearranged.

Thoughts, values, emotions, fears, love, beauty ... Many topics and under every topic there are more topics. It's a big book archive. Some corners are dark and full of dust. Books haven't been used in them for a long time. The front shelves are clean and neat, books are frequently used in there.

.... To Be Continued

The Lie!

Most people around me think I'm wrong. Sometimes I think about what they say, even though their arguments aren't reasonable nor logical in any way. But I prefer to take every word in consideration, that I might catch something useful.

It's about love and marriage. They think that marriage is just a matching procedure where a guy meets a girl, and everyone takes what they like from the other and skip what they don't. Every guy needs a girl and vise versa. That's true! But what I don't believe that to follow your blind desire for a temporary satisfaction.

I've seen many real stories are being repeated in front of my eyes all the time. When a couple faking their feelings under what's called Love and it constantly grows up until they have enough of it. And the tree falls down. The Lie falls down!

What really makes me confused is that they are still faking or it's better to call it deceiving themselves. They assume that they were in love and it's gone! They aren't brave enough to admit they have been lying and it wasn't love. It was just an emotional desire of having someone to love and care about, and they actually knew it wasn't real. It was an imitation.

It's a kind of human weakness. He invents a play to feel happy and get the load off of his back. But in fact he puts another load a bigger one this time! And it hurts either but a little late. It's selfishness! It could go further either when this lie brings a little creature to life? An innocent creature!

I can't invent feelings and convince myself they are true. That's why I'm 28 years old and still single. Of course being lonely isn't so great. But at least, I'm glad I follow my own values, and I somehow see the truth!

Birds & Bulbs

I went today to buy some new parts for my 6000WATT lighting unit. While I was waiting for the guy who sells in the store, a newly married couple in their early 20s got in. They are in their half way through building up their nest, very concerned about money, as every middle-class family in a third-world. They bought a big fluorescent bulbs set to put in the hall.

They seemed so young, innocent and confused. It was very clear in their eyes, the feeling of insecurity. Like little birds on a tree, lonely ones who get cuddled to feel safe. And to skip this cruel feeling of being lonely.

The guy asked the seller to pack the bulbs and set well. That they live far from here and they don't wanna loose the package or have it damaged on their way home. The seller didn't pay attention to what he just said. The guy looked at me, like he was asking me support. Then he took the package unsatisfied and left with his wife.

... I paid for my stuff and left!

Sunrise in the West

I had a very weird dream last night. I don't care that much about dreams. But this one seems to be significant. And I think I won't be able to forget it easily.

... At night, I'm in our old house looking through the window. Everything is dark. Everyone is scared. There might be something out there. I see what it is now... Its the sun at night. A very big sun. It's fitting in the horizon. I can see the upper part of it. I'm frightened. I got a mail package. It's money from somewhere outside. I feel worried.

The sun rises in the west! I have no idea why did I have this dream. Probably cause of my religious background. Which I was raised in a country where most people care about religion or at least they seem like that. I'm somehow not feeling comfortable. I don't have to worry it's a dream, I know! But I should give it some thought. Maybe there's something I need to be aware of.

Little Meows

As I was walking down Mohamed Ali Street I heard an insisting tiny meows. I looked around and found a very tiny kitten, it was probably just born like 4 hours earlier. I slightly approached its tiny body, I heard those meows more loudly this time. These aren't meows, it's actually screaming, asking for help! It doesn't know what it's supposed to do. It was just brought to life. Thrown into this world and left weak, hungry and scared. It was hardly moving. When I looked next to her, I found some other tiny bodies laying down randomly dead! It was horrible. Siblings are dead. flies were feeding on them. What an anguish?

I didn't know what to do? That's pathetic. I'm not a vet. I was confused what should I do? It needs a special care. I got many thoughts jammed in my mind. I got scared and confused. I was pretty helpless like that tiny kitten. I left it. and the meows were chasing me and constantly were fading out.

When I got back home I remembered works I read by Jean Paul Sartre. And imagined what if what I saw weren't cats? ...

Nature Speaks

The way to functionaize available lighting in nature is to use every possible element in the environment to draw your photographic scene. It's very wise and artistic. Rather then using artificial lighting system. Everyone can do this! Just look around what do you have? Light source, shadows, darkness, objects, animals, trees, people, skies, lands, ... There are details everywhere around. And there are more details behind every single detail. You gotta search them, study them and capture them. Know what they are saying? They must be telling something... You should figure it out. Cause it's your role as a photographer.